The other day, I was in my neighbour's car on our way out for supper and we were talking about how certain things can stir up memories all of a sudden. Things like a smell, or a taste of something, or a song. It led me to think about music in general. There are songs, that when I hear them now, I can remember being in an entirely different place and still feel those same feelings. For example, when I hear "Please don't go Girl" by the New Kids on the Block, I'm back in my old bedroom, on the top bunk, with a friend from school on the bottom, and we're making long loopy chains of coloured jelly bracelets. Wow, right?
This led me to think that it goes further than that. Sometimes, there's a song I've heard a bunch of times, and don't really have any feelings associated with it. Until something happens. The other day, I decided to bring my iPod with me on the treadmill instead of reading a magazine like I often do. I started playing songs on YouTube, looking up songs that I've heard and like, that might bring me comfort (I was feeling sad, and thinking about BabyGirl). So, I went to a song called Bring on the Rain by Jo Dee Messina. Nice song, kinda fit my down mood, but I knew I needed something more inspirational. So, in scrolling down the side I found a song I had heard before, called Bring the Rain by MercyMe. Yowza. I was inspired to type up the lyrics and post them on my FB page, just to have them there, and perhaps inspire others going through difficult times. The song is about accepting to have the bad times, with the good times, if it's all for God's greater glory. I needed to hear it just then. So I was on the treadmill, running, and listening to the music, and crying, and praying and running, and crying... And then I remembered another song that my aunt had shown me a few weeks ago, that I had forgotten about from years back. This was "The Anchor Holds" by Ray Roltz. Now, this song hit me even harder. The only reason I didn't post this song on FB was because it hit me too hard, perhaps. It was too personal. I felt, in that moment, as the crying had turned to heavy sobs (try running and sobbing one day...it's an experience) that the song was written for me. While day to day, I'm getting by, and even feeling happen, or at least myself about half the time, this is still the most unimaginable pain, and the biggest void I've ever felt. And yet...the Anchor holds. Here are the lyrics.
I have journeyed
through the long dark night
out on the open sea
by faith alone
sight unknown
and yet His eyes were watching me
CHORUS
The anchor holds
though the ship is battered
the anchor holds
though the sails are torn
I have fallen on my knees
as I faced the raging seas
the anchor holds
in spite of the storm
I've had visions
I've had dreams
I've even held them in my hand
but I never knew
they would slip right through
like they were only grains of sand
CHORUS
I have been young
but I am older now
and there has been beauty these eyes have seen
but it was in the night
through the storms of my life
ohh thats where God proved His love to me
CHORUS
CHORUS
The second verse about having dreams that you've held in your hand, only to have them vanish like sand....That's it, right there. I am back in the hospital, holding my sweet little girl in my hands. And then I'm at her burial, holding her tiny little urn, with the grains of sand that were left of her. And yet, the Anchor holds.
I have felt Him even in these moments, these days, these weeks. I know it is only because of Him that I am standing, and even smiling. He has put incredible people on this road with us, from our families, our friends, our neighbours, to the incredible women (friends and strangers) who have reached out to me to say that I'm not alone. That is Him, comforting me. Putting the right people in our path. That day, I needed something, and so He sent me these songs, to help me get through the moment and to the next....
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