Still holding on :)

Hello again,
We had a marvellous appointment on Friday morning and got to hear our little SeaMonkey's heartbeat. I went in there fully expecting the worst news and so was thanking God out loud when the doctor quickly found our little bean with the Doppler. Nice, strong heartbeat. Of course, now my fears are not totally gone, but they're better for now. I know that so far, I'm carrying a viable baby. This coming Saturday we have our prenatal screening and ultrasound, so we will be able to see the baby again and learn how the development is progressing and whether there are any risk factors. (*Please, God, no....*) Two weeks after that we have yet another ultrasound to measure my cervical length, because in the week after, I'll be getting the cerclage done, and then the scary part begins. I don't need to necessarily make it to 40 weeks, but just further than last time. At least 30 weeks is what I keep saying. Ideally, 35 would be lovely. If I ever get the courage to start sharing this website with anyone else, I will ask for your prayers. My heart has little bubbles of hope welling up, like when you blow bubbles in your milk with a straw....

Cautiously optimistic...

Seems we're still hanging in there. We've had two ultrasounds after the spotting started and all was okay. Cervix was long and closed, there was no sign of trouble and most importantly, there was a heartbeat. And so, I'm praying and hanging on. My doctor's appointment is next Friday and by then I'll be 11 weeks and we should be able to hear a heartbeat with the Doppler in the office. If that goes well, the month following is filled with back to back appointments, ultrasounds and then my cerclage on March 16th....plenty of opportunities to be reassured. I feel I need it constantly these days.

I'm trying to surrender all to God. To realize that I have no control over anything. I know that I am blessed. That all things considered, I have much to be grateful for, and I am. And still, my heart aches. It aches for having lost Evangeline. It aches for my body's failure. It aches with the fear of trying again. It aches with the hope that this time is different. I am trying to surrender it all to God. I am trying....