Seems we're still hanging in there. We've had two ultrasounds after the spotting started and all was okay. Cervix was long and closed, there was no sign of trouble and most importantly, there was a heartbeat. And so, I'm praying and hanging on. My doctor's appointment is next Friday and by then I'll be 11 weeks and we should be able to hear a heartbeat with the Doppler in the office. If that goes well, the month following is filled with back to back appointments, ultrasounds and then my cerclage on March 16th....plenty of opportunities to be reassured. I feel I need it constantly these days.
I'm trying to surrender all to God. To realize that I have no control over anything. I know that I am blessed. That all things considered, I have much to be grateful for, and I am. And still, my heart aches. It aches for having lost Evangeline. It aches for my body's failure. It aches with the fear of trying again. It aches with the hope that this time is different. I am trying to surrender it all to God. I am trying....
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